Newcastle - Banter, Beers & Battles

You get a briefing, race suit, helmet and gloves, then a session that usually runs about an hour: practice laps, a qualifying run and a scored final. Timing is automatic and the results go on a board, which is where the arguments start. Indoor circuits run all year; outdoor ones are longer, faster and at the mercy of the weather. Both put a podium and a bottle of something at the end. Wear trousers rather than shorts, and trainers. There are height, weight and footwear limits at most tracks, and you have to be sober.

Standard entry gets the group past the queue on a guest list, which matters because large male groups are the first ones a door turns away. A booth adds a reserved table, a set number of bottles with mixers and a host who looks after the table. Booths are sold on a minimum spend rather than a flat fee at many clubs, so the bottles you order count towards it. Ask what the minimum is and what it includes before you agree to anything. Dress code is enforced hard on stag groups. No sportswear, no trainers at some doors, no matching shirts, and nobody visibly drunk gets in regardless of the booking.