Newcastle Big Weekend

You get a briefing, race suit, helmet and gloves, then a session that usually runs about an hour: practice laps, a qualifying run and a scored final. Timing is automatic and the results go on a board, which is where the arguments start. Indoor circuits run all year; outdoor ones are longer, faster and at the mercy of the weather. Both put a podium and a bottle of something at the end. Wear trousers rather than shorts, and trainers. There are height, weight and footwear limits at most tracks, and you have to be sober.

Standard entry gets the group past the queue on a guest list, which matters because large male groups are the first ones a door turns away. A booth adds a reserved table, a set number of bottles with mixers and a host who looks after the table. Booths are sold on a minimum spend rather than a flat fee at many clubs, so the bottles you order count towards it. Ask what the minimum is and what it includes before you agree to anything. Dress code is enforced hard on stag groups. No sportswear, no trainers at some doors, no matching shirts, and nobody visibly drunk gets in regardless of the booking.

A half-day is usually five or six game zones, played in teams with a marshal calling each game: attack and defend, capture the flag, and a last-man-standing finish. You are issued overalls, a mask, a marker and a set number of paintballs, with more available on the day. Hits sting and leave bruises for a few days. That is well understood but worth saying to anyone who has not played. Wear old clothes under the overalls, a hoodie helps, and boots or old trainers. Nothing white. Bring a change of clothes.

A restaurant taking a large group will usually want a set menu, a deposit and final numbers a few days ahead. That is normal and it works in your favour: the food comes out together and the bill is per head rather than an hour of arithmetic. Tell them about allergies and anyone who does not eat meat when you confirm the numbers, not on the night. Dress code is the restaurant's. If you are heading to a club afterwards, dress for the club, because the restaurant is the softer door.