Newcastle Classic

You get a briefing, race suit, helmet and gloves, then a session that usually runs about an hour: practice laps, a qualifying run and a scored final. Timing is automatic and the results go on a board, which is where the arguments start. Indoor circuits run all year; outdoor ones are longer, faster and at the mercy of the weather. Both put a podium and a bottle of something at the end. Wear trousers rather than shorts, and trainers. There are height, weight and footwear limits at most tracks, and you have to be sober.

Standard entry gets the group past the queue on a guest list, which matters because large male groups are the first ones a door turns away. A booth adds a reserved table, a set number of bottles with mixers and a host who looks after the table. Booths are sold on a minimum spend rather than a flat fee at many clubs, so the bottles you order count towards it. Ask what the minimum is and what it includes before you agree to anything. Dress code is enforced hard on stag groups. No sportswear, no trainers at some doors, no matching shirts, and nobody visibly drunk gets in regardless of the booking.

You stand behind a bar with your own kit and a bartender takes the group through two or three drinks, explaining the spirits, the shake and the balance. You make each one yourself and drink it. Most classes finish with a competition for the best drink. Sessions usually run around ninety minutes and include everything you make, with the option to stay on in the bar afterwards. No dress code beyond the venue's. It gets sticky, so nothing you are precious about.

You meet the guide at a fixed point and move through a run of bars across the evening, usually four or five, finishing at a club. The guide knows the doors, so you skip the queue and the group is not turned away for being too large. Most crawls include a welcome drink or a shot at each stop, and entry to the final venue. The rest is on you. Groups from several bookings are often merged, which some stags like and some do not, so ask whether yours is private. Dress code is the club's, not the guide's. No trainers and no sportswear at the last venue, and matching shirts get refused at some doors.